I really don't deserve it verse of the week

"See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is." 1 John 3:1-2


This revitalizes my concept of God’s care, reminding me that I am a child of a loving God who tells us to “cast all our anxiety on Him because he cares for us” (1Pet 5:7).


Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.


I guess that's why we call it grace- the freely given, unmerited love of God.

Was that me?

I made a bad decision.

Hear my cry, O God. Listen to my prayer, from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy. Let me dwell in your tent forever! Let me take refuge under the shelter of your wings!... …For God alone my soul waits in silence, from him comes my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken… I will trust in him and pour out my heart before him because of His steadfast love. All power belongs to Him. (excerpts from Ps 61)

I lift up my head and God is still with me.


As I wait to meet with someone, whose road is widening with pain, I wonder is it more difficult or is it easier to love someone who is hurting when you are hurting yourself? Will you be more emphathetic? or will you be so self-absorbed that you don't even listen?

at Caribou and my cup is empty

I have a dead heart. It’s that feeling of the resonance of sin. Where life is stopped for the widest moment of knee bowing humility toward you, Holy God. I have failed you and this is my confession. I have coveted and I have put temporary pleasure above your truth. I have lead others astray. I have sinned against others, but predominately against you. Why have I cheapened this vessel for your glory. You have done great things in my life. Revive me O Lord. My soul is heavy.

Love to Elyse

Called to be His Helper was the title of the Ladies Day Away Women's Conference at NorthCreek Church this past weekend. First off, it was great to see the completion of the new building a week before it went "live" for weekly use. I went through a bit of a culture shock. Even though it is only a building, it says so much of the church personality. It will definitely be interesting to notice the changes when I go back again.



Elyse Fitzpatrick is an accomplished author. I will let her work speak for herself. I love her authenticity and her 'I'm just gonna plough through and share scripture as I see it... ' attitude with grab your side hilarious personal anecdotes. We've come a long way to have so many sweet ladies giving an amen to her comments on the three letter 's' word in church... ah, it made me laugh. This has been the second conference this year (the first was Carolyn McCulley) uncovering Biblical manhood and womanhood and the continuing stretch of my worldview box. This may just my opportunity to lay out my "Whoa"man persective. I think I will. AHHH!! this means someone could possibly read this!!! ok, I have those moments of fear of judgement, but I have made a commitment to be transparent, sin and all, for God's ultimate Glory.

hmm.. maybe I'll wait to publish my soapbox.

Nothing but the RED eye...

I took the red eye home from Cali this morning. Never again. I probably will, but it was soo painful. I guess it could be compared to giving birth to a child... it hurts me to even think about it again, but the pain of not being able to sleep is overpowered by the cheap tickets and getting to hang out with friends until late in the evening... (yeah for bunco!)

I usually lolly gag to get on the plane and this time was no different. As I sat in the terminal, my only prayer was that I wouldn't fall asleep and miss my flight. As I looked around, everyone's heads were bobbing and mouths were drying out, and so I realized I wouldn't be the only one. I kept glaring at the medical article I was reading while mentally pretending I had toothpicks holding open my eyelids. If anyone dared talked to me, it would have taken 10 minutes for it to register. Looking at my phone for the 14th time didn't help speed anything along. It was just a painful reminder how slow time was passing.

We finally begin boarding and I think to myself, at least I have a window seat. Have you noticed that when you're tired, the window is like 2ft away so you can't rest your head on it... Sheesh... To make matters more humorous, the five cotton balls that made up the northworst pillow was a bit dirty and hairy and... let's just say was better not to use. I tried my left side, my right side, resting on my right hand, resting on my shoulders on the mini table, feet up, feet down. About the only thing I didn't do was try to sleep in the aisle. The flight attendant said something about a fire hazard when I tried...

The best part about going home was seeing people who really KNOW me. There is something to be said about being known and knowing others deeply. I thank God for friends and relationships and the encouragement of being vulnerable and sharpened by others.

now, I'm home and I can take a quick ZZzzzz before work.

February Snowflakes of Grace

It has been a month since I've moved to Minneapolis. The answer to the common introductory question of "Where are you from?" always gets a reaction. I’m catching on that Californians moving to Minnesota is few and far between. I guess it is understood that the desire is to go the other direction. Otherwise, if you are moving to Minnesota it is generally expected that you are either from Iowa (top one), Wisconsin, or North Dakota. Every Minnesotan (everybody) thinks I’m crazy for liking the cold weather (Yes, I love it!), let alone moving here in the middle of winter. They all seem to say that the novelty (my winter honeymoon) will wear off soon! Nevertheless, on the contrary, I hope it never wears off. Granted I haven’t gotten stuck in it or had to shovel it, but snow may have an unusually extraordinary meaning to me than to others.

It was just three years ago on a lightly snowing, January morning in South Lake Tahoe, when I was sitting on a small lake dock with my feet dangling over the icy cold water below. I was observing the panoramic mountainous view that was covered by a white blanket when I was struck by the matchless beauty of a single snowflake that had fallen from the sky and gently rested on my jacket sleeve. I was overpowered by the exactness of detail of this single flake, that I frankly, lost my breath and choked. Every single snowflake is unique in its beauty and design like a zebra’s stripes and our DNA. Such knowledge is overwhelming when you think about mass quantities; for God to know the number of strands of hair on our heads or the grains of sand in the sea.

That day, the Lord made me understand by the details of His hand the extent of His love. Yes, there are so many things that give evidence of the glory of God and I believe if all could see or If I could only explain in great detail the Spirit taught truth, the universe would not contain the joy that came from such understanding. What tips me over the top into ecstatic elation, is remembering because of God’s love, when Christ, who is my life appears, then I also will appear with Him in glory. (Colossians 3:4) Whether it is just one snowflake, the blanket of snow on the ground, or a dizzing blast of a winter storm, I am reminded of that one snowflake and the overflow of God’s love toward me.

That is the reason for the silly, snow-induced smile seen here on my trip in Deerfield, IL.

New Year’s Resolution

Upon ringing in the New Year I was asked what my resolution(s) were going to be for 2008. My answer was, “umm” silence “I’ll need to think about that”. Don’t want to make something I’ll just break, and yet what’s the point of making it too easy. So, now I am reflecting and the only thing that inspires me in my life and hence to write is when I am reading, listening, or meditating on God’s word.

January 1 is a fresh start for all goals- even for those Bible reading plans. This year it is ESV Bible Online: Every day in the Word January 1, 2008. I began reading with my male companion (in voice as he reads) Genesis 1-2. In surpassing wisdom, God created the expanse of the heavens and every intricate detail of the earth. For His pleasure, He created man in His image, His likeness, where His traits can be seen. Everything He created was good. He provided life.

In the news was the topic of a new book supporting evolution- possible links to the generational evidence gaps in history. The reporter sounded so authoritative and convincing until the words: possible in its varied and unsubstantiated word forms made it sound more like a theory. Wait. Oh, right, it is- a theory that takes more faith than the belief in Jesus. (Ha! That makes me laugh.)

Look, next I read, Matthew 1:1- 3:12, written of the genealogy of Jesus Christ, the son of David, the son of Abraham. It is also telling of His birth and the wise man, traditionally identified from modern day Iran and Iraq, who went to go see and confirm the prophetic scriptures and worship the new King. Hmm, all the generations from Abraham to David were fourteen generations, and from David to the deportation to Babylon fourteen generations, and from the deportation to Babylon to the Christ fourteen generations. Any generational gaps in the Messiah’s history?

Then my favorite as found in Psalms 1, blessed is the man who delights in the law of the Lord. …He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that He does, he prospers. The wicked are not so, but are like chaff that the wind drives away. ..

I end with Proverbs 1: 1-6, the way of the righteous is found with the beginning of knowledge. What is the beginning of knowledge? Not to get ahead of myself in my readings, but Proverbs 1:7 answers that question. Which leads me to another question: How can I fear that which I do not know?

Resolved: find my delight in the law of the Lord, meditating on it day and night.

After a “season” of focusing on the ultimate gift, that God gave His son, Jesus, my resolution is to find my ultimate delight in Him. It’s 2008, taste and see for yourself.

It's already August

As I sit down to write my August newsletter, I am struck with the fact that within the past 48 hours my inbox seems to fill with testimonies of His Grace. In the life of my sister, purified, who now finds pure joy to have gone through the painful laceration of divorce as it brought her closer to Him, or a friend in a field of repentance as she literally is surrounded by the rice fields stuck in a remote area in the Philippines, faced with her idolatry and pride, now rejoices. This world is filled with sorrow, yet a believer is always rejoicing. I think about that again. Sorrowful, yet always rejoicing… (Ps 71:20)

My thoughts then go to Minneapolis, MN with the collapse of Interstate 35 Bridge over the Mississippi River and the acute shock that has hit the Twin Cities. A cause for another email that pops into my inbox spoken from a Minnesotan working a mile away from the bridge to impart an interpretation of the disaster that comes from a view of reality that is radically oriented on God. He states something worse than the collapse of the 35W Bridge, is that ALL have sinned and deserve death. His interpretation of the collapse of this bridge is that “he is a sinner and should repent or forfeit his life forever”. (Rom 6:23a)

God is our sustainer from birth. He gives and takes away. We are all dependent on his mercy- if the sun endures, if rain shall come, if our abundance of food is sustained. Are we prepared against the enemy of this world- death? There is a hope for the forgiveness of sins, a hope for eternal life.(Rom. 6:23b) As my two sisters in the Lord sing praises to Him (2 Cor. 7:10), they are living testimony of God’s mercy (2 Peter 3:9); now living, we have time to turn from sin, unbelief, and eternal destruction. (Rom. 2:4) We may be sorrowful, yet always rejoicing. (2 Cor. 6:10)

Tomorrow, I will go see the Bourne Ultimatum with my brother for his 36th birthday. Ironically, I am homonymly reminded (there’s got to be an adverbial form of homonym) in the movie title that we are all Born with an Ultimatum: to believe or not to believe, a final decision to make with penalties to ensue. He saves all who trust in Him.

Family Camp

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“For whoever does the will of My Father who is in heaven, he is My brother and sister and mother.” Matthew 12:50

4th of July

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Prayer

"Until we know that life is war we will not know what prayer is for." - John Piper

For a good sermon, said better than I could, check out DesiringGod.org for Prayer: The Work of Missions.

Because of Him

God has captured my heart. From the early days in Pioneer Girls at NorthCreek Church memorizing Ps.119 through song and sign language, the high school trips to Mexicali, and the cross-cultural experiences during college in Europe, Central and East Asia, Africa, Oceania, and Central America, I realized how much God loves the whole world. (1 John 2:2)

In the summer of 2005 in Kenya, the Holy Spirit convicted me of how often I compare my budget and lifestyle with those of my affluent neighbors but do not compare myself to the poorest one-half of the world’s people. I was challenged to give of my time, knowledge, and money seeing the current condition of the world and knowing God's view that “whoever is kind to the poor lends to the Lord.” (Proverbs 19:17) Everything is God’s. He gives and He takes away. I have never been so grateful for the many blessings I have. The most difficult part is the reconciliation of the knowledge I have and the actions I need to take.

Just a year ago, I was contemplating another short term summer opportunity with the church, yet I was extremely unsettled. My spirit within me said, “Another short term?!” At the direction of the Holy Spirit and outside counsel, I decided to stay and prayerfully consider what that meant. Within days, doors began to open with many unique opportunities. I was reminded that the harvest is plentiful and yet the workers are few. I had committed myself to stay till October of last year with my current employer to finish the coordination of our annual charity golf tournament. The local beneficiary, Capernaum Young Life Diablo Valley, was an organization dear to my roommate, and so also dear to me. In June, I was able to take a week off, to assist with EFCA’s Crisis Response Team in New Orleans, LA, and was moved even more to find a place where my skills and passion could be combined to serve God.

In October, NorthCreek Church’s former high school youth pastor, Doug Stolhand contacted me and shared what he has been doing, launching the program LIVEº (pronounced Live to the Power of Nothing or Live Zero). It was developed in 2006 as a vehicle for Christ’s followers to live out compassion among the underserved in the most overlooked places in the world. Infected in Sudan, homeless in Sarajevo, hungry in Manila, there are places in the world where hope is almost non-existent. How can we change that? Military power? Political power? Economic power? God’s plan to fix the world is through the unique power revealed in the life of Jesus Christ. How did Jesus live? He made himself nothing. Phil 2:7 He reached out to the poor, the outcast, the sick, the sinner. He allowed Himself to be subjected to ridicule, hunger, betrayal, death. He became nothing so a broken world could be healed, restored, repaired, renewed. Nothing saved everything. LIVEº teams live simply among those they serve for a period of 2 years. During that time, they partner with missionaries and relief organizations, striving to display the power of God in tangible ways to the hurting, the sick, and the poor in their communities. LIVEº is part of ReachGlobal’s (Evangelical Free Church of America, International Mission) outreach to multiply healthy churches.

Doug asked me to think and pray about joining the team being the office support staff in Minneapolis, Minnesota- like what I do now at Summit Financial Group, a financial planning office, in San Ramon. I have completed ReachGlobal’s Evaluation Training and received the approval from our Global Outreach Team to serve on LIVEº staff. I am extremely grateful for the many blessings I have and for this opportunity to use my skills, gifting, and passion for God’s Glory.

It is a daily struggle to not succumb to worldly ‘common sense’, but to be recklessly abandoned to HIM. “He died for all, so that they who live might no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf.” (2 Cor. 5:15) Today, that means leaving family, friends, a great job, and sunny California weather; but I must not ask at what cost? But for what privilege do I owe this honor? For I know tomorrow may hold the eternal kingdom where I will kneel before the one true God.

check out http://www.goreachglobal.org/ and http://www.powerofnothing.org/

the good shepherd gives his life for his sheep

L'Éternel est mon berger: je ne manquerai de rien. Il me fait reposer dans de verts pâturages, Il me dirige près des eaux paisibles. Il restaure mon âme, Il me conduit dans les sentiers de la justice, A cause de son nom. Quand je marche dans la vallée de l'ombre de la mort, Je ne crains aucun mal, car tu es avec moi: Ta houlette et ton bâton me rassurent. Tu dresses devant moi une table, En face de mes adversaires; Tu oins d'huile ma tête, Et ma coupe déborde. Oui, le bonheur et la grâce m'accompagneront Tous les jours de ma vie, Et j'habiterai dans la maison de l'Éternel Jusqu'à la fin de mes jours. Psaume 23

leaving Lacassie

What shall I miss most when I leave Lacassie #3?

Ah, first it will be the sticky summers, so hot I would sweat when I walked on inside.
A sure lack of respite as I walked through the door,
from the sun that shined, yes, even 5 hours before!

Would it be the sounds of the ocean from the murmur of cars with the crashing of waves from the hum of our BART?

And of course- not to forget! The Episcopal ringing and singing of bells!
if I slept in, I would never be late!
Because I’d always, be reminded at 8!

No joke! I will miss the summers, the sounds, and the seriously shorter commute! (Not to mention the generous availability of parking at Pres!)

But, more importantly, it would have to be, my roommate, Becki.

whom I could count on coming home late each night.
And who lived out Christ each day of her life.

Nothing says love more than the life of Jesus Christ.

Eph 5:1-2 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children; and walk in love, just as Christ also loved you and gave Himself up for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God as a fragrant aroma.

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Smiling at the future

Shootings, floodings- All heartrending stories- particularly not knowing the status of all those souls. (Rev. 20:10; 2 Thes. 1, 2; Proverbs 31:25) Headings of local news and I could not help but laugh. Sounds insensitive to the pain and anguish of others, yet on contrary it is because I know that Satan has been defeated and it is only a matter of time before God’s glory is displayed for all eternity.

I pray that my feet will be firmly rooted in Him, that I would cling to Him, thus never wandering or running, but strengthened by abiding in Him, so as to face the things to come.

Idleness. No, but I said sick

She eats not the bread of idleness, v. 27

Savior, hear my humble cry.

“go home”, “take it easy”, “get some sleep”. All that I hear is not my excuse for idleness, as sickness seems to bring. The virtuous woman loves her business better than her ease or her pleasure… and has more true satisfaction in having given meat to her household and is not searching for praise- for Her own works will praise her.

A simple cold has shown my idleness.

The wallpaper of my life...

Isa 42:5 Thus says God the Lord, Who created the heavens and stretched them out, Who spread out the earth and its offspring, Who gives breath to the people on it And spirit to those who walk in it, "I am the Lord and I have called you in righteousness, I will hold You by the hand and watch over You..."
Isa 43:7 ...Everyone who is called by My name, And whom I have created for My glory...

Hallowed be Your Name

Hallow : transitive verb
1 : to make holy or set apart for holy use
2 : to respect greatly : venerate
Holy: Adjective
1 : exalted or worthy of complete devotion as one perfect in goodness and righteousness
2 : divine
Venerate: transitive verb
1 : to regard with reverential respect or with admiring deference
2 : to honor with a ritual act of devotion

Falling in love…

Am I falling in love? Is it true?

The consuming thoughts I can’t get away from,
Having my breath taken away by your love,
Do you really love me that much?
The way you have displayed your love- it consumes me.

I am unaware of the boundaries.
I am caught up with you.
I am desiring more- I want to be continually pursued until I am no more.

To think I’ve been blind. All these years.
You were there wooing me.
With the same intensity from the beginning,
Yet where was I looking?
What was I doing that distracted me?
Looking back over time, now I see.

You knew I was yours before I even knew your name.
You knew what I had to go through before I’d respond.
You have whispered in my ear and now I shout with joy!
I am yours and You are mine for all eternity.

…with my Savior