It's good to feel disturbed.

I had coffee today with another ReachGlobal personnel. We talked about the everchanging American Christian culture we are trying to engage and the need to change our processes, systems, programs to meet the needs. I was feeling disturbed because there is so much to do and so little time. Then I came across an article quoting Sir Francis Drake from 1577:

"Disturb us, Lord, when we are too well pleased with ourselves,
When our dreams have come true
Because we have dreamed too little,
When we arrived safely
Because we sailed too close to the shore.

Disturb us, Lord, when
With the abundance of things we possess
We have lost our thirst
For the waters of life;
Having fallen in love with life,
We have ceased to dream of eternity
And in our efforts to build a new earth,
We have allowed our vision
Of the new Heaven to dim.

Disturb us, Lord, to dare more boldly,
To venture on wider seas
Where storms will show your mastery;
Where losing sight of land,
We shall find the stars.
We ask You to push back
The horizons of our hopes;
And to push into the future
In strength, courage, hope, and love.

Disturb me, Lord.
Not for my fame, gain or world-change, but for the purpose of knowing you and pursuing the people right in front of me."

I was feeling disturbed and I thought that was bad, but realized the motivation it had. So I took a deep breath and reminded myself, my ministry is not only my work, but every relationship I have.

oh, and by the way, I lost my glasses... again.

Found my glasses!

Last night I found my glasses!!! They were put away in my little bedside box. I outsmarted myself! I am so happy I don't have to strain my eyes anymore!

Today, thanks to God for the motivation, I woke up and began memorizing Rom. 1:1-6. My friend Hh and I are memorizing Romans 1 together. Praise God for fellowship of a sister in Christ! It reads: "Paul, a servant of Christ Jesus, called to be an apostle, set apart for the gospel of God, 2 which he promised beforehand through his prophets in the holy Scriptures, 3 concerning his Son, who was descended from David according to the flesh 4 and was declared to be the Son of God in power according to the Spirit of holiness by his resurrection from the dead, Jesus Christ our Lord, 5 through whom we have received grace and apostleship to bring about the obedience of faith for the sake of his name among all the nations, 6 including you who are called to belong to Jesus Christ"

Energized from the verse, I went for a walk around Lake Nokomis after watering the tomato plants left under my care (1st of 14 days!! I can't forget!!). When I returned from my morning walk, I ate some raisin bran cereal and watched the news. 5.4 magnitude earthquake in Ca was the top story. I thought to myself, "nothing new under the sun... earthquakes in California." I leisurely finished and walked upstairs to take a shower and get ready for the day. I stopped to check my email and read some food for thought on biblical peacemaking:

"His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" "Neither..." said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life." John 9:2-3

God uses conflict to stretch and challenge you in carefully tailored ways. This process is sometimes referred to as the "ABC of spiritual growth": Adversity Builds Character. As you worry less about going through conflict and focus more on growing through conflict, you will enhance that process and experience the incomparable blessing of being conformed to the likeness of Christ."

Taken from The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflictby Ken Sande, Updated Edition (Grand Rapids, Baker Books, 2003) p. 37

It is true that He will allow pain or adversity into our lives to help us grow to become more like Him. The next email was a message from a District Superintendent, regarding the Free Church in Marshall, MN.

"A collision between a car and van that occurred mid-afternoon Sunday in SW MN has claimed the life of Andy Wiersma, interim pastor of youth & college, and injured six students from the college ministry at Marshall EFC. Three students were airlifted to hospitals in Sioux Falls, and three others are in local hospitals. Pastor Don LeClere and his family (who were called back from what was to be a week of family vacation) is requesting prayer for these dear families and for the entire congregation at MEFC. Andy was to be installed next Sunday to the role of pastor of youth and college long-term. The occupants of the passenger car were not seriously injured. You may recall that this is the congregation that lost 12 year old Reed Stevens in the Cottonwood Bus Tragedy earlier this year (his 11 year old brother, Sawyer, is still recovering from serious injuries). Please uphold the victims and families, and our fellow servant, as they prayerfully depend upon the Lord to cope with these losses."

The Lord has been teaching me on suffering and the sovereignty of God. The question is how will people in the Marshall community look at this and respond? For some, this may be difficult to swallow; but for the man born blind said, "One thing I do know, that though I was blind, now I see." John 9:25

May I, like Job, say, “Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1:21

Trip to Cali

People have been asking about my trip to California. Here are some picture highlights. I took a late night flight and was picked up by Jen who caught me up to date on her move to Hume Lake. I enjoyed a bed and breakfast at Nicole's and a life catchup and our conversation on spiritual things. The whole week was beautiful weather, and relaxing and replenishing down time. Before Tahoe, I celebrated with Jen for her upcoming wedding with a bachelorette weekend in Calistoga. The three days were filled with time poolside, wine tasting, window shopping, and a shower gift unwraping with a hilarious gum chewing game. We enjoyed eating a lunch at the Silverado Brewing Co., dinner out at Brannans Grill, and a breakfast at the enchanting Auberge Du Soleil.

Sunday, mom met me at the storage unit for me to grab my camping gear and I joined Patty and Kristen for the drive up to Sugar Point Campgrounds, Lake Tahoe for NorthCreek's Family Camp. I enjoyed some down time in the word, walks in the forest, soaking in the sun at the lakeside, and one afternoon I rode an innertube down the Truckee river. It was fun to see old faces and surprise them with my presence and, as ususal, enjoyed making new friends. There were many bear sightings, marshmellow roasting, and bug spraying over the layer of dirt on my clothes and toes (and accidently an eyeball or two! Warning: Deet melts toe nail polish... among other things). Chris, Lisa, and family gave me a ride back to the bay area and the last 24 hrs of my trip was spent with Mom and Dad and strategically loading up the Uhaul with the rest of my belongings. I flew home red eye (trick is to have a neck pillow) and they are taking a leisurely drive then across the US and should arrive in Minneapolis Thursday night and spend a little over a week visiting before they return enroute to Montana.

The whole weekend I was in a place of reliance on others' grace and hospitality. Boy, is it humbling. I must be very proud, because it was REALLY difficult. I am so thankful for the kindness shown to me.

Psalms expressions is music for the soul

simple pleasures... headphones on.... bobbing my head to the beat... moving my body with the rhythmn.... doing the Bill Cosby dance. ahhhh... i make myself laugh... as Brushfire Fairytales f stop blues comes on... Incoming tide touches roots to expose...

love the quote: music is what feelings sound like

If God were...

If God were a Kantian, who would not have us till we came to Him from the purest and best motives, who could be saved? ~CS Lewis

I really don't deserve it verse of the week

"See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him. Beloved, we are God’s children now, and what we will be has not yet appeared; but we know that when he appears we shall be like him, because we shall see him as he is." 1 John 3:1-2


This revitalizes my concept of God’s care, reminding me that I am a child of a loving God who tells us to “cast all our anxiety on Him because he cares for us” (1Pet 5:7).


Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.


I guess that's why we call it grace- the freely given, unmerited love of God.

Was that me?

I made a bad decision.

Hear my cry, O God. Listen to my prayer, from the end of the earth I call to you when my heart is faint. Lead me to the rock that is higher than I for you have been my refuge, a strong tower against the enemy. Let me dwell in your tent forever! Let me take refuge under the shelter of your wings!... …For God alone my soul waits in silence, from him comes my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken… I will trust in him and pour out my heart before him because of His steadfast love. All power belongs to Him. (excerpts from Ps 61)

I lift up my head and God is still with me.


As I wait to meet with someone, whose road is widening with pain, I wonder is it more difficult or is it easier to love someone who is hurting when you are hurting yourself? Will you be more emphathetic? or will you be so self-absorbed that you don't even listen?

at Caribou and my cup is empty

I have a dead heart. It’s that feeling of the resonance of sin. Where life is stopped for the widest moment of knee bowing humility toward you, Holy God. I have failed you and this is my confession. I have coveted and I have put temporary pleasure above your truth. I have lead others astray. I have sinned against others, but predominately against you. Why have I cheapened this vessel for your glory. You have done great things in my life. Revive me O Lord. My soul is heavy.

Love to Elyse

Called to be His Helper was the title of the Ladies Day Away Women's Conference at NorthCreek Church this past weekend. First off, it was great to see the completion of the new building a week before it went "live" for weekly use. I went through a bit of a culture shock. Even though it is only a building, it says so much of the church personality. It will definitely be interesting to notice the changes when I go back again.



Elyse Fitzpatrick is an accomplished author. I will let her work speak for herself. I love her authenticity and her 'I'm just gonna plough through and share scripture as I see it... ' attitude with grab your side hilarious personal anecdotes. We've come a long way to have so many sweet ladies giving an amen to her comments on the three letter 's' word in church... ah, it made me laugh. This has been the second conference this year (the first was Carolyn McCulley) uncovering Biblical manhood and womanhood and the continuing stretch of my worldview box. This may just my opportunity to lay out my "Whoa"man persective. I think I will. AHHH!! this means someone could possibly read this!!! ok, I have those moments of fear of judgement, but I have made a commitment to be transparent, sin and all, for God's ultimate Glory.

hmm.. maybe I'll wait to publish my soapbox.

Nothing but the RED eye...

I took the red eye home from Cali this morning. Never again. I probably will, but it was soo painful. I guess it could be compared to giving birth to a child... it hurts me to even think about it again, but the pain of not being able to sleep is overpowered by the cheap tickets and getting to hang out with friends until late in the evening... (yeah for bunco!)

I usually lolly gag to get on the plane and this time was no different. As I sat in the terminal, my only prayer was that I wouldn't fall asleep and miss my flight. As I looked around, everyone's heads were bobbing and mouths were drying out, and so I realized I wouldn't be the only one. I kept glaring at the medical article I was reading while mentally pretending I had toothpicks holding open my eyelids. If anyone dared talked to me, it would have taken 10 minutes for it to register. Looking at my phone for the 14th time didn't help speed anything along. It was just a painful reminder how slow time was passing.

We finally begin boarding and I think to myself, at least I have a window seat. Have you noticed that when you're tired, the window is like 2ft away so you can't rest your head on it... Sheesh... To make matters more humorous, the five cotton balls that made up the northworst pillow was a bit dirty and hairy and... let's just say was better not to use. I tried my left side, my right side, resting on my right hand, resting on my shoulders on the mini table, feet up, feet down. About the only thing I didn't do was try to sleep in the aisle. The flight attendant said something about a fire hazard when I tried...

The best part about going home was seeing people who really KNOW me. There is something to be said about being known and knowing others deeply. I thank God for friends and relationships and the encouragement of being vulnerable and sharpened by others.

now, I'm home and I can take a quick ZZzzzz before work.

February Snowflakes of Grace

It has been a month since I've moved to Minneapolis. The answer to the common introductory question of "Where are you from?" always gets a reaction. I’m catching on that Californians moving to Minnesota is few and far between. I guess it is understood that the desire is to go the other direction. Otherwise, if you are moving to Minnesota it is generally expected that you are either from Iowa (top one), Wisconsin, or North Dakota. Every Minnesotan (everybody) thinks I’m crazy for liking the cold weather (Yes, I love it!), let alone moving here in the middle of winter. They all seem to say that the novelty (my winter honeymoon) will wear off soon! Nevertheless, on the contrary, I hope it never wears off. Granted I haven’t gotten stuck in it or had to shovel it, but snow may have an unusually extraordinary meaning to me than to others.

It was just three years ago on a lightly snowing, January morning in South Lake Tahoe, when I was sitting on a small lake dock with my feet dangling over the icy cold water below. I was observing the panoramic mountainous view that was covered by a white blanket when I was struck by the matchless beauty of a single snowflake that had fallen from the sky and gently rested on my jacket sleeve. I was overpowered by the exactness of detail of this single flake, that I frankly, lost my breath and choked. Every single snowflake is unique in its beauty and design like a zebra’s stripes and our DNA. Such knowledge is overwhelming when you think about mass quantities; for God to know the number of strands of hair on our heads or the grains of sand in the sea.

That day, the Lord made me understand by the details of His hand the extent of His love. Yes, there are so many things that give evidence of the glory of God and I believe if all could see or If I could only explain in great detail the Spirit taught truth, the universe would not contain the joy that came from such understanding. What tips me over the top into ecstatic elation, is remembering because of God’s love, when Christ, who is my life appears, then I also will appear with Him in glory. (Colossians 3:4) Whether it is just one snowflake, the blanket of snow on the ground, or a dizzing blast of a winter storm, I am reminded of that one snowflake and the overflow of God’s love toward me.

That is the reason for the silly, snow-induced smile seen here on my trip in Deerfield, IL.

New Year’s Resolution

Upon ringing in the New Year I was asked what my resolution(s) were going to be for 2008. My answer was, “umm” silence “I’ll need to think about that”. Don’t want to make something I’ll just break, and yet what’s the point of making it too easy. So, now I am reflecting and the only thing that inspires me in my life and hence to write is when I am reading, listening, or meditating on God’s word.

January 1 is a fresh start for all goals- even for those Bible reading plans. This year it is ESV Bible Online: Every day in the Word January 1, 2008. I began reading with my male companion (in voice as he reads) Genesis 1-2. In surpassing wisdom, God created the expanse of the heavens and every intricate detail of the earth. For His pleasure, He created man in His image, His likeness, where His traits can be seen. Everything He created was good. He provided life.

In the news was the topic of a new book supporting evolution- possible links to the generational evidence gaps in history. The reporter sounded so authoritative and convincing until the words: possible in its varied and unsubstantiated word forms made it sound more like a theory. Wait. Oh, right, it is- a theory that takes more faith than the belief in Jesus. (Ha! That makes me laugh.)

Look, next I read, Matthew 1:1- 3:12, written of the genealogy of Jesus Christ, the son of David, the son of Abraham. It is also telling of His birth and the wise man, traditionally identified from modern day Iran and Iraq, who went to go see and confirm the prophetic scriptures and worship the new King. Hmm, all the generations from Abraham to David were fourteen generations, and from David to the deportation to Babylon fourteen generations, and from the deportation to Babylon to the Christ fourteen generations. Any generational gaps in the Messiah’s history?

Then my favorite as found in Psalms 1, blessed is the man who delights in the law of the Lord. …He is like a tree planted by streams of water that yields its fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that He does, he prospers. The wicked are not so, but are like chaff that the wind drives away. ..

I end with Proverbs 1: 1-6, the way of the righteous is found with the beginning of knowledge. What is the beginning of knowledge? Not to get ahead of myself in my readings, but Proverbs 1:7 answers that question. Which leads me to another question: How can I fear that which I do not know?

Resolved: find my delight in the law of the Lord, meditating on it day and night.

After a “season” of focusing on the ultimate gift, that God gave His son, Jesus, my resolution is to find my ultimate delight in Him. It’s 2008, taste and see for yourself.